Polyamory: The Great Sexual Alternative Lifestyle

I went to my first polyamory workshop last week. There were 13 people there. This topic on polyamory is so popular that the last workshop sold out very quickly.

The leader of the workshop told us all to introduce ourselves and tell everyone what pronoun we go by. All the women said they identified themselves as “she” and the men said they go by “he”.

I had done some research into polyamory, so I did know quite a lot already, but I learned something new at the very beginning of the class. When defining polyamory, the group leader said “Polyamory means not being monogamous,” which included swingers. My hand quickly went up and I said “I have read and heard that polys do not associate themselves with swingers because they’ll have sex with anyone without any emotional attachment whatsoever, whereas in being poly there has to be a true liking of someone before they have sex with someone–an emotional connection.”

The group leader said, “The definition depends on what poly person you talk to. There are many definitions, and a lot of polys would say swingers are poly as well.” She also said, “The polys who do not include swingers are actually snobs because they believe casual sex is wrong and it would be beneath a poly to have casual sex.” All polys there seemed to agree with the leader regarding swingers being accepted into the poly fold.

The class only lasted about 1 1/2 hours; it was interesting hearing each person’s own poly lifestyle. Some were lesbians, some were bisexuals, some had partners who were lesbian, bisexual and straight. Most were in the baby boomer age group: 43-61. Another, who is a stripper (YAY!), was much younger. She looked very mousy; the last person in the world you’d think was into an alternative lifestyle. The group was polite; very nice people.

I also must add: Most people think polyamory is all about sex. Not true. You can be in a totally platonic polyamory relationship. Loving isn’t always about the sex.

I did ask the group if they have two sets of friends: a mainstream group where no one knows they are poly, and their poly/kinky group. They all said they have two sets of friends and you have to pick and choose who you want to tell about any alternative lifestyle you’re leading. Plus, everyone you hang out with just doesn’t have to know.

That was very important for me to know. As I slowly and carefully pick my friends, I had made it a point to eventually tell EVERYONE I’m around that I am bisexual and a sex worker. Now, I think I will take their advice and pick and choose who I want to tell. I won’t feel like I’m leading a double life because those that don’t know, well, it’s just a matter of they never asked, so I never told. If someone asks me if I’m bisexual or ask about my job in more detail, I will not lie–no matter who asks. If I lose their friendship, so be it, but I’m not going to volunteer answers to my mainstream friends. So far, only one knows I’m an adult webcam sex worker. No one knows I’m bi.

Before this workshop, I discovered a poly group online that’s really cool and very friendly. I want them to be my foundation for my second set of friends–the non-mainstream, kinky ones. :)

Here’s my take on Polyamory:

I’ve heard about the many definitions, but the one about just loving many without even being romantic (and I’m not necessarily meaning sexual when I say romantic here), well, I find that definition odd to put it lightly. I mean if that’s the case, About 90% of the people in the world are poly. People love their family–siblings, parents, children…many loves there without it being a romantic relationship so that’s poly? Hmmmm. I love my cats without us being in a romantic relationship, so I’m poly with my cats?

For me, I wouldn’t define poly as loving without it being romantic, because that would make–by that definition–almost everyone in the world poly.

Then I go to this site where people post what it means to be poly, and one simply said “To love without fear.”… What?! OK, then I guess polyamory means anything a person wants it to mean. Monogamous people can say they are poly. If you simply say you are poly, then you are poly.

On the negative side, if our culture were dominantly poly I don’t know if it would be an ideal lifestyle for today. I think most people would be too irresponsible…too much jealousy, more crimes of passion because of jealousy, more unwanted pregnancies, and so on. I think the sex would be too big of an issue and take prominence over how polyamory is defined. But also, jealousy would be more of a major issue in our culture as well.

Maybe if our society stayed poly from the beginning (as many people said was the case)things would be great….But now, I think our culture couldn’t emotionally handle the poly life.

It’s like when we evolved/changed physically over the years, so did our emotions and behavior, but not necessarily in a more mature way.

But I believe there is a place for all kinds of lifestyles.

I think polyamory is the ideal lifestyle for many people, but I think monogamy is OK for people to be as well, regardless of whether it is because one is not being mature to handle being poly, not being open-minded enough, brain-washed by society, whatever people have called it.

I think just because things have changed in our culture, that doesn’t always mean it’s wrong for an individual to have changed along with it. It’s ultimately about how truly happy one is within themselves as an individual, regardless of whether there are outside influences or not.

I believe there are people miserable in monogamous relationships and people miserable in polyamorous relationships and why they choose to stay in either relationship instead of seeking another lifestyle to be truly happy is something they need to address from within.

Sugasm #63

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #63? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
That sound (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)
All she wanted was a cold drink when she woke up (http://thebinside.blogspot.com)
Once, a long time ago (http://excessesofabasement.blogspot.com)

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Angelina Jolie’s Real Marvelous Breasts (http://sugarbank.com)

Editor’s Choice
What Really Really Sucks (http://alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Begging for it (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)
Cheerleading Camp (http://lostinperversion.com)
Chicago! (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)
Release (http://pick-up-pieces.blogspot.com)
Sex with D (http://plum001.blogspot.com)
Use Me Up (an RPG) (http://femmefataleteen.blogspot.com)
The Workout (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)Sex and Politics
Michigan: Adultery Punishable By Life Behind Bars (http://smutandsteff.com)

Sex News, Reviews and Interviews
The Eroticism of Dance: Matthew Bourne’s ‘Swan Lake’ (http://adelehaze.com)
Interview with a Masturbator (http://masturbationblogs.blogspot.com)
Stunt Cock Casting Call (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk)
Ultime G-Spot Vibrator Review (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)

Sex Work
Devoted Pets Learn To Adjust Their Lives For Princess (http://www.phonesexsub.com/brat_blog/)
My Wonderful Adult Life (http://www.model-chat.com)
Sexy Sausages And Scary STDs (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)

BDSM and Fetish
Canings for a good cause (http://pandorablake.blogspot.com)
Happy HNT – Spank me panties and threesome fun (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)
Is it Friday yet? (http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com)
Morning canings at school, re-visited (http://www.spankingwriters.com/blog)
No cane, no pain, no gain! (http://blog.sex-mad-witch.com)
Spanking the Monkey!! (http://theriverdalegoddess.typepad.com)
Yes Sir (http://www.suzanneportnoy.com)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
A Niners Tale For the Feminists (http://loladavid.wordpress.com)
Of My Untried Fantasies, and Many Other Thoughts (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)
Sestina for Zoe (http://sweatshopsissy.wordpress.com)
Thoughts on Monogamy (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)

Spank Me panties courtesy of Journey to the Darkside.

Experiencing It All in the Sex Industry

I enjoyed reading this provocative article very much and will most likely buy and read the book reviewed, Indecent: How I make It and Fake It as a Girl for Hire, by author Sarah Katherine Lewis.

Ms. Lewis certainly has been around in the adult industry! This book looks like a very interesting read–one of those where you can’t put down until you’re finished, but that doesn’t surprise me at all. In this business of sex, it’s never a dull moment.

From what the review said, I love the fact that the book does not sugar-coat the business as being perfect. Even though being in the adult business is a helluva lot of fun, it is not a perfect job–like any other work in the world.

I can’t wait to read in more detail about her acceptance of herself and the women around her. The article mentions her taking a lot of time on the camaraderie with other women in the business including not-so-nice relationships with them, which I really do sense in the adult business. Actually in any occupation, but it seems to be more so in the sex business. Maybe it’s because of the stereotypical truth about this business. Most women in the adult industry are not exactly Einsteins–way far from it. Most are stupid, insecure bimbos who haven’t the brains to do anything else besides get naked and/or fucked. Most are trailer-trash like people (and I’m talking about sex workers of any race/color). Lacking civility has a lot to do with lack of intelligence. I find that experience so many times when communicating with other sex workers online. Jealousy, stupidity and lack of refinement abounds in the adult industry and I’m sure Ms. Lewis has lots to tell regarding this.

I also like that there will be much humor in the book. Well it should be. Life is part comedy.

I’m really looking forward to this read. I think I’ll go over to Amazon right now to see if I can get a good deal on it.

If any of you readers get the book, I’d like to hear your comments on it. I’ll be sure to review it here.

Cam Hosts’ “Secrets of Success” is a Loser

I hear adult cam hosts saying things like not wanting to give others tips and advice because it’s a “secret”, feeling paranoid that if someone uses their “secret”, they may be better at using it, and they may steal all their guests, I guess.

What an insecure and selfish way to live!

You know what the REAL secret of success is? Well, it’s not a secret: It’s your personality. Try, someone–ANYONE–to copy that! Your great personality, or anything else that can’t be taken from you; something that doesn’t matter who knows it because they couldn’t use it the way you use and have perfected it, should be the ultimate way to your success. Or at least something that very, very few people can do.

Guests come in my room and they say they can tell I truly love what I do and that’s why they love coming in my room. I have a fabulous attitude/personality because I honestly love what I do. I love my job, I love sex, and I love men (and women). And loving what I do for a living keeps me working happily for hours and hours and hours. If I lose interest, I’m quitting and finding another job I love, which would most likely be in the adult industry because this is a place that matches my personal interests. I never get tired of this business; I’ve been fascinated with it for many years.

When I get offline, I’m still involved in the industry in other ways, studying, researching, watching adult films, Playboy TV,  going to sex workshop classes, etc. The adult business is not my entire life, but it is a big, very important part of it.

That’s my way of success that most people could not copy, because people can tell whether or not you really love your job. And most hosts have not spent years and years studying about sexuality like me, thereby knowing how to react, respond to what guest say, and say things to guests to make them feel great-–the way I do it. And if hosts started studying now, I’ll always know more because I started years before many did. Time helps me to be a more knowledgeable person, and that’s something many, many hosts can not make up and be better at than me.

So it’s best to learn your unique talents where a host couldn’t either duplicate or it would be extremely hard for them to copy, as your way to being a successul adult cam model.

I’m a Well-Known Sex Worker Now, but I Hope it’s Not Just for 15 Minutes!

I guess this post could go in the, “You know when you’ve hit big-time when….” department:

Someone on a very popular, world-wide known community board steals your professional name to use it as their own in a certain way on their page there. That’s what happened with the stage name I use at ImLive.

How do I know it isn’t just a coincidence, you may ask? Because my name is made in such an unusual way that I am 99.9% certain she is deliberately stealing my name. But the way she’s using it and considering there’s no money to be made at that site, I don’t think there’s any harm done to me.

Speaking of stage names, it really amazes me that live sex cam host workers choose such simple, very common names that MANY others are probably using on the Internet. DUH!

I looked up one host name and I see so many listed with that name but when I click onto the site, the people are different. It makes common sense to pick a stage name that’s extremely hard to find a copy of on the Internet (but not too unusual/weird so as to be a turn-off to guests), then:  

#1. If a guest is googling you, they can find the one and only YOU, and

#2. If someone did use your name, you pretty much know they ripped it off from you and it’s not a coincidence.

The offline entertainers in the show biz world has it a lot better. Legally, no one can use the same name as another, like actor Michael Keaton’s real name is Michael Douglas but another actor already registered under that name, so he chose Keaton as his stage name. Or David Bowie choosing Bowie because his real last name, Jones, was already taken by the other singer, David Jones.

I guess we hosts could register our names legally to prevent people from using our name, but on the Internet, I can see that very hard to enforce–if it can be done at all.

My Wonderful Adult Life

What Mistress Matisse said about writing a book after she has retired from her main work as a sex worker got me thinking: Maybe I should write about my life as a webcam host when I’m no longer stripping for a living.

By the way, Mistress Matisse’s post is wonderful. I LOVE it when people say things like she said: “This is my career….This is what I do, I like it, and I’ll be doing it until I’m quite old and the phone doesn’t ring anymore.” YOU GO GIRL!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been around people who tell me, ‘You’re not supposed to really love your job. A job is for one thing: to make money. Having fun is for when you leave work.’ People think I’m naive for only choosing jobs I love doing, so it’s always nice to hear someone that feels the same way I do when it comes to really liking one’s career, and especially loving the adult industry.

Getting back to Mistress Matisse inspiring me to write my memoirs as a sex worker, it would be nice to know that after I’ve finished this line of work as an adult cam host, I can make more money from this by writing and publishing a book about it. That’s the way we entrepreneurs work: We are ALWAYS thinking of ways to make money. Hey, we have to. We have no pensions, no boss paying our health insurance….We have to always keep our brains working to come up with future ideas to survive financially. Living this was sounds frightening to most people, but to us entrepreneurs, it’s a challenge that we enjoy.

I just started reading the blog, la fille mariee (how do you pronounce that?). She has also recently written a great post about slutiness (BTW, I’ve done 5 of the things she listed as very slutty things she’s done), and how it may be defined in a positive way or negative way. Well, I say it depends on what society you live in, but most would say that she IS being a slut in the most negative way, regardless of she mentioning her “redeeming qualities”, which is nice of her to add. Most people who write this kind of article/blog, goes on and on telling everyone how slutty they are and nothing more about themselves; that’s OK, but it’s nice to hear other things about people too. A slut after-all, is not always being one 24/7, like mariee so nicely reminds us. Being a slut is wonderful, but being a well-rounded (no pun intended) slut is better.

The word, slut, in and of itself, only defines the sometimes behavior of some people. It’s whether or not one thinks such behavior is “right or wrong” within oneself, that’s an issue. And a person is free to think whatever they want about us sluts. No law against that one way or the other. 

I’ve always liked the word slut; how it’s defined. I think slut has a cute sound to it. 🙂

Sugasm #62

The best of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #63? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the linklist within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Slut (http://lafillemariee.blogspot.com)
“I fucked one man at the request of another, in exactly the way asked for. Then I reported what happened to the one who requested it.”

When Clients Look Like Relatives (http://radicalvixen.com/blog)
“I walked out the door, saw a man standing there and almost puked.”

Low Class Stripper? Classism and society’s view of adult entertainment (http://fullfrontalpolitics.com)
“For a lot of women sex work is a last-ditch option, something we all consider in the back of our minds when we’re growing up; we ask ourselves once or twice, if we needed the money, would we strip?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Playboy Soldiers (http://sugarbank.com)

Editors’ Choice
Where the Wild Things Are (http://kinkyfarmwife.blogspot.com)

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Call It Arm-Twisting (http://www.betweensheets.net)
Discovering Their Sexy Secrets (http://dirtydetails.blogspot.com)
Erotica in 2007 (http://sabrinainstockings.com)
I LIKE being a slut! (http://kyliecallme.com/diary)
Making Choices About Time & Energy….. (http://totalsensuality.blogspot.com)

Sex Work
One of the other things I do is teach (http://thismuse.blogspot.com)

BDSM and Fetish
A date with the (new) Dom (http://plum001.blogspot.com)
Homecoming (http://pandorablake.blogspot.com)
Kiss Goddess Soles and worship (http://www.princessfetishmoneyslave.com)
My first D/S experience with a couple (http://brooklynrake.blogspot.com)
An Orgasm Denial Essay by Ms Ava of www.cockcontrol.com (http://www.orgasmdenialblog.com)
T is for ternion (http://redvelvetropeburn.com)

Sex News, Reviews
iPlug Vibrating Anal Plug Review (http://stilettodiaries.blogspot.com)
My New Toy (http://ellabeecoquette.blogspot.com)
Not About Love – it’s about beauty (http://sexdriver.blogspot.com)
Up and coming babes for 2007 (http://pornhater.com)
You’re All Invited to My Most Erotic Birthday Yet! (http://www.taratainton.com)

Sex Advice
How To Shave My Pussy (http://www.model-chat.com)
Reader Q&A: The Man Who Couldn’t Blow His Load (http://smutandsteff.com)

Sex and Politics
Why are baby girls in India Dying (http://deliciously-naughty.typepad.com)

NSFW Pics (& videos)
Every good student should have a world map… (http://mapgirls.blogspot.com)
Happy HNT – Boxing bondage (http://darkside-journey.blogspot.com)
I Like My Cock (http://edinerotica.blogspot.com)
New Year (http://hothardcock.blogspot.com)

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Bisexual by Proxy 2 (http://perverselypoly.blogspot.com)
Confluence of Hedonists #4 (http://www.easilyaroused.co.uk)
Displayed (http://pick-up-pieces.blogspot.com)
I Want You Horny-The Conclusion (http://watchingmywife.blogspot.com)
Lead Me Not Into Temptation (http://sexandtheivy.com)
Love Thy Neighbor (http://eroticjournals.blogspot.com)
Me, Her, and Him 4 (http://erotischism.blogspot.com)
Melanie And I (http://mandyseroticlife.blogspot.com)
More Dirty Little Girl (http://cumslutandsupercock.blogspot.com)
New Year’s Eve (http://sugarbutch.blogspot.com)
No Sex in the Champagne Room? (http://sexdemon.blogspot.com)
Our First Foursome (http://hommeandfemme.blogspot.com)
Red (http://ellesnovellas.blogspot.com)
Sex Cam Adventures (http://dirtylittlecockslut.blogspot.com)
Take Me (http://nocloudnine.blogspot.com)
That Look (http://junohenry.wordpress.com)

I’ll Have Some Tennis Please, with My Book

At my chick lit online book club, the next book read for two weeks (we read two books a month) is Three Wishes, about Aussie triplets. The author of the book is from Sydney, Australia.

And now, also for the next two weeks, is the Australian Tennis Open (held in Melbourne). I did not plan reading Three Wishes at the same time as the Australian Open.

Wow!

I read the first chapter last night, and I’m loving it. Those triplets are so wacky! They are the best of friends but boy can they argue with each other, but it’s always in a loving, sisterhood way. You always know that whatever they say to each other, it’s all about love.

I’m a sucker for buddy reads!

Porn Stars Featured at imLive

A new feature at ImLive is having professional porn stars there live in their homes. It’s called Celebrity Events, broadcasting celebrities from the online and offline adult industry directly to ImLive’s guests.

This week, guests went 1-on-1 with 2003 Penthouse Pet of the Year, Sunny Leone. She is supposed to give a real live show but also will be answering guests’ questions about her life and career.

This Celebrity Event is not supposed to hurt us hosts’ earnings and traffic. This event is aimed at attracting public attention to ImLive by having famous people participate, bringing more exposure to the site thus hopefully directing more traffic to us hosts. 

Celebrity Events are free to all ImLive members, and I hear it’s extremely popular and it has only been around for a couple weeks now.

What do I think of it all? Well, I look at it this way:

The way I look at everything in life. I try not to worry about what I can’t control. I just concentrate on doing my personal best and when I do, I’m successful no matter what comes around. But these events have not hurt my traffic/earnings at all. Quite the contrary, I am busier than ever at ImLive. I don’t know if it had to do with the Celebrity Event (or the Keyhole thing) or not.

I am a member at ImLive as well and have not even seen the shows. I’m way too busy doing my own thing and getting busier every week.

If I really felt something was hurting my success at ImLive, I would bitch about it, but so far so good. 🙂